when you’re a child and you stay up past your bedtime you get punished by your parents, when you’re an adult and you stay up too late you just get punished by the ghosts and spirits and demons and such
a couple weeks ago, someone called and left a message on my team’s phone at work. this was a phone number that he should not have been able to find and which isn’t actually manned. we are an IT team and have the number to keep our team zoom account. so no one picks it up, but every time someone leaves a message, everyone on the team gets an email with the transposed text.
this man left a 7 minute long message with my tech team about how he wanted a job in our sales department.
in it, he called himself a savage no less than 12 times. he spent most of the 7 minutes talking about how well he closes deals and sells. he left this message over the weekend. in it, he said the words “i’m a beast, i’m a killer” multiple times, which i now can’t seem to get out of my vocabulary. i say it literally every day and i can’t explain it because it’s like a personal meme.
my team actually found this message so fucking funny that we immediately found the sales team recruiter and got him over there. we all dearly hope that he gets hired so we can meet him. he’s like a celebrity to us. he’s a beast. a killer even.
for the last time i DON’T have ADHD!!!!!!! i’m just always daydreaming because of my whimsical nature, i make impulse decisions because i love spontaneity, i forget things from before because i live in the now, i get everywhere late because i’m a free spirit, my place is a mess because i’m a creative type, and i’m tapping my foot because i’m feeling the rhythm of life babey! what do you MEAN you found my wallet in the oven
hate when streaming services are like…. you can now pay cinema prices to watch new releases at home! not to show my age but if i am watching it on my tv set then it’s free??? you think you’re an equal to big picturehouse? with no big screen? no big pop corn? you want to charge cinema price to show me a movey in my own house? Honour demands i kill you btw
wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.
i love when fic writers who have clearly never tried any kind of alcohol in their lives try to write someone drinking bc they’re always like
“he ordered a tall glass of hard liquor. after three large glasses he was feeling tipsy” like babygirl i can’t be sure but i think u just sent this man to the hospital
“the amber liquid tasted sweet” bestie i can assure you it did not
